Today's chip paper / Schnee von gestern - heute

Read old news here! / Hier geht's zum kalten Kaffee...

Rishi Sunak can’t escape the Tories’ post-truth policies

(14 November 2022) It's been a while since Annette Dittert's last column about British politics in the New Statesman. After all, as bureau chief for ARD in London, she'd had enough to be doing with her day job: Tory Leadership Drama No. 1, death of the Queen, the explosive Truss-Kwarteng Intermezzo, Tory Leadership Drama No. 2... So her examination of Rishi Sunak's current position is a welcome return to the written word - one which, as ever, I had the pleasure of translating.

German government is pushing ambitious agenda despite turbulent first year

(21 October 2022) Confession intime: the photos of me on this website are around 10 years old now. Whenever I mull over possible replacements, I'm shocked by how old I now look. In that, I'm very much like the current German government, whose fresh-faced 2021 look has - after eight months of continuous firefighting - deteriorated into a decidedly washed-out, haggard countenance.

Yet our tri-partite coalition, while no longer particularly photogenic and based on an agreement which Russia's actions have torn up, is doing better than many (including itself) think. With any luck, its participants will remember that and keep the show on the road. Read my thoughts on Germany's government one year in The Local.

Germany’s autumn Covid rules are a giant mess beyond parody

(25 August 2022) If every one of Germany's beloved observers of our national neuroses, from the legendary Loriot right down to today's Jan Böhmermann, were to come together to parody our love of excessive complexity and petty busy-body rules through the medium of Covid legislation, they would probably have trouble coming up with something as absurd as what is proposed from 1st October onwards. Read my take in The Local.

Germany has failed to do its energy ‘homework’ – and faces years of catching up

(05 August 2022) Germany's energy crisis is the result of our decades' long failure to examine our strategic position and take action accordingly. Every government since Schröder's first administration in 1998 - and by extension the German electorate - is complicit, and now we must learn to live with the consequences until we finally sit ourselves down and (as our patronising turn of phrase has it) "do our homework". In The Local, I look at what went wrong, where and how, and ask why we still aren't doing enough to become energy-independent.

The shocking state of German trains exposes the myth about punctuality

(27 July 2022) One of the most widespread stereotypes about Germans is that we are punctual and that our national efficiency means that trains run on time. It also the most likely stereotype to fall victim to reality: when tourists or business travellers actually come to Germany and use our rail network, they are reliably shocked - this year more than ever, as punctuality sinks to all-time lows. Read my rant/two cents on the matter in The Local.

The post-Johnson era is already a nightmare

(19 July 2022) In her latest piece for the New Statesman, Annette Dittert offers a refreshing and bracing look past the current obsessing about Truss/Sunak and into the heart of the matter: a post-truth political environment which many UK media outlets have played a conscious role in shaping. As ever, a pleasure and an honour to translate.

Why Germany can’t break out of its Covid rules rut

(04 July 2022) So Germany's Covid expert committee has delivered its verdict on the effect of the restrictions imposed at various points over the last two years. As expected, said verdict is Delphic at best - mainly, so the Committee argues, due to a lack of data in Germany. However, a brief comparison with neighbouring countries would be enough for anyone to see that we have gone wrong somewhere: despite comparable (and much reduced) rates of death and infection, we are one of the only countries left in Europe with mandatory restrictions - and are considering re-imposing the ones we dropped in spring. Here's why.

Will Germany’s motorists and cyclists ever learn to live with other?

(16 June 2022) It's that time of year again: the sun is out, and so the city streets and country roads of Germany are full with cyclists - and with their most bitter enemy, motorists. There's something particularly poisonous about the car-vs-bike debate here, and The Local asked me to look at why.

Criticising the government isn’t journalistic bias – it goes with the job

(02 June 2022) Rebuilding Germany in the aftermath of the Second World War, the Allies took every precaution to keep autocratic tendencies at bay - including, for instance, decentralising public service broadcasting and introducing a strong professional ethos of independence from government interference. In the north-west of Germany, it was a man named Hugh Greene (who would later go on to become DG of the BBC) who was instrumental in inculcating these professional ethics into what has, today, become NDR/ARD.

I'm sure that he would be delighted to know that, 70 years on, German public service broadcasting has been able to stay true to its mission - and concerned to read Annette Dittert's analysis of how the BBC is being hindered in fulfilling it in the UK. As ever, it was a pleasure and an honour for me to work with Annette as a translator.

Germany’s €9 ticket for summer is just a gimmick, not a solution

(1 June 2022) There are plenty of plaudits going around for Germany's bold experiment to grant access to all local and regional transport for €9 a month in June, July, and August. Comparisons have been made to Vienna's €365 annual travelcard, for instance, and many see it as a quick and expedient way to make public transport more attractive and put money back in the pockets of the squeezed middle.

In my view, however, this fare gimmick will likely achieve the complete opposite. By making crowded busses and trains even more packed  in summer and forcing operators to run at losses for which Federal Government has only vaguely promised to stump up, it could end up making public transport look worse and forcing fares up this autumn while stifling much-needed investment. Here's my take for The Local - along with some suggestions for what could be done better.

Why the Greens are the real winners of Germany’s state elections

(17 May 2022) In Germany's federal system, regional elections have a habit of clustering – generally at points when national governments would rather not have people poring over electoral data. Certainly, just six months into their roller-coaster ride of a term and with Chancellor Olaf Scholz currently looking somewhat beleaguered, the Berlin 'Traffic Light' coalition would have preferred not to have its popularity examined at three regional elections.

What do state-level ballots really tell us about national politics, though, and how have the major parties come out of the recent elections in Saarland, Schleswig-Holstein, and North-Rhine Westphalia. Read my analysis for The Local here.

Why Germany’s energy relief payouts are no fix for inadequate social security

(10 May 2022) Most people know the principle of a false economy: buy something cheap and you have to replace it more often. A classic examples is shoes: expensive footwear lasts longer and so works out to be better value. Still, many people prefer - or have - to buy cheaper shoes.

This, in German, is called "milkmaid maths": eine Milchmädchenrechnung. And as a country, we have, due to the miserliness of our social security system, a problem with false economies on two levels: firstly, we force poorer households to buy everything cheap by keeping them on an absolute pittance; secondly, the exchequer has to plug the gaps with one-off credits and additional payments every time there is a crisis.

In an age of continuous crisis, we would be far better off making our benefits system fit for purpose, as I argue in The Local.

Scholz is already out of step with Germany – it’s time for a change of course

(22 April 2022) As the old saying goes: Jedem Anfang wohnt ein Zauber inne - Beginnings are always magical. And Olaf Scholz' first months in office went, on the surface of things, rather well. His adventurous Ampelkoalition was running smoothly and he seemed to be delivering the change he had promised. The high watermark was his Zeitenwende speech radically altering Germany's foreign and defence policy. Uncharacteristically, however, it would seem this speech wrote cheques he is not intending to cash. This, a difficult legacy, and his Merkelian tendency to shroud himself in silence are contributing to a steep fall in popularity, as I explain for The Local.

How many massacres will it take before Germany turns off Russian gas?

(12 April 2022) In the end, it all comes down to gas. Germany’s singular historic crime, the Holocaust, was perpetrated primarily in the gas chambers. Many of those murdered in the death camps were deported from what is today the Ukraine; many others never even made it that far, summarily shot like the tens of thousands at Babyn Jar near Kiev in 1941.

Now, eighty years on, civilians have once again been executed in the Kiev suburbs and there may have already been gas attacks further east. While Germany is not the perpetrator this time, it is complicit. And gas, albeit of the less intrinsically perverted kind, is the problem. It’s almost as if history is standing here shouting: “Look, a metaphor!”

It's one that we as a country and our industrial conglomerates - specifically BASF - have chosen to ignore. In The Local, I argue that we need to take action and stop importing Russian natural gas now, however damaging the potential consequences for our economy. If our famed Vergangenheitsbewältigung is to be more than just gestures and monuments when history comes calling, we have no other choice.

A baptism of fire for ‘Global Britain’ as Boris Johnson deals with the Ukraine war

(08 April 2022) I've once again had the considerable honour of translating for Annette Dittert, who has turned her sharply analytical eye for British politics to the Government's (lack of a) strategy vis-à-vis the Ukraine and Europe in German political monthly Blätter. Her piece - which I rendered into English - is essential reading for anyone looking for a perspective on the UK position in the conflict from outside the London bubble.

The worst of both worlds – Germany’s coronavirus policy pleases no-one

(29 March 2022) It couldn't get more bundesdeutsch than this: the German federal government has abolished most CoVid restrictions but the federal states, who previously pushed for lighter-touch regulation, are mutinying to retain restrictions. In the confusion, most people think restrictions are being lifted - and lifted too soon - when, actually, they're not being lifted at all.

The result is that, as I explain in The Local, we are now in the worst of both worlds. Those few of us who think it is time to ditch restrictions have been palmed off with an alternative legislative reality; meanwhile, the vast majority are now scared sick despite the fact that, objectively, nothing has changed and Germany still retains one of the highest levels of CoVid stringency in Europe.

Germany has been forced to learn the lessons from its post-war pacifism

(16 March 2022) We all like to be proved right every now and then, but I can honestly say that there is no instance to date I would ever rather have been proved wrong on than this one. It would be wonderful if, after at least ten years of thinking that Germany - by buying almost all of its energy from Russia and neglecting its armed forces to a deplorable extent - has made itself horribly vulnerable to blackmail and failed its European allies, it turned out that I had been worrying about nothing. If, as it turned out, talking to Putin until we were blue in the face really *was* the right thing to do...

Here's a recent history I wrote for The Local of why post-war Germany has thus far proven congenitally ill-disposed to military spending - and of how we have already learned the lesson we are currently learning before forgetting it again.

Germany has scuppered Nord Stream 2 but there are questions left to answer

(22 February 2022) So on 22/2/22, Nord Stream 2's number is finally up. It's almost as if Berlin was waiting for a fitting date to at long last do the right thing and cancel this cursed gas pipeline. After all, switching it on would have made Germany entirely dependent on Russian gas and outraged our closest allies, so it should have been cancelled months, preferably years back. In the end, Vladimir Putin's latest aggression was so egregious that it finally broke the project's backing. That it ever got this far, though, represents an abject national failure on the part of Germany, as I explain in The Local. 

Germany is stuck in Covid Groundhog Day – it’s time to move on

(02 February 2022) It's 29 years to the day since Bill Murray got stuck in time-loop with uproarious consequences - and anyone in Germany who remembers the film and the repetitive radio will have felt a sense of familiarity in switching on Deutschlandfunk. Ja: Und täglich grüßt die Siebentageinzidenz. Read my view on why Germany is stuck in a Covid rut and needs to move on (and why it can't) on The Local.

Germany is in a muddle over Russia – and it only has itself to blame

(24 January 2022) If Germany were a bond film, the title would be "From Russia with love" and rogue-ish Roger Moore would look a little less prepossessing than usual in the guise of Gerhard Schröder.

Yes, Germany is - for understandable, but no longer particularly relevant - historical reasons sentimental about its relationship to Russia, And swathes of its elite are beholden to Putin's roubles. It's a toxic mix that has led Berlin to build a quite unconscionable pipeline direct from St. Petersburg to the Pomeranian coast - against the stated interests and repeated requests of our closest allies.

And now, with the Ukraine and the Baltic nations staring down the barrels of Russian tanks, we're in a bit of predicament. Read my explanation of this shocking foreign-policy failure on The Local.

The pandemic has revealed Germany’s deep obsession with rules and compliance

(13 January 2022) In simpler times, it used to be funny to watch my fellow Germans standing, late at night, at a set of traffic lights waiting for the little green man while literally no cars were on the road. Now, of course, we are responsible for checking each others' vaccination status and enforcing compliance of busybody rules. And let's just say it's not bringing out the best in us… Read my plea for showing a little more politeness when checking CovPass and exercising some discretion from time to time in The Local.

Germans’ love of criticising English skills is an unappealing national habit

(15 December 2021) Those of you now joining me in avoiding Twitter to the greatest possible extent may have, over the last couple of days, heard about criticism there of the way Germany's new foreign minister Annalena Baerbock speaks English.

There are two things at play here:
- Twitter is now a bot-ridden dirty-tricks hellhole which has a preference for attacking women, preferably under 50 and preferably on the left of the political spectrum.
- Germans are always nit-picking and back-biting about other Germans' English-language skills.

More on the upsetting nature of today's Twitter and on German linguistic snobbery from me on The Local.

Ignore his lies: Boris Johnson is leading an assault on British democracy

(13 December 2021) In the first of what will now be her monthly columns for the New Statesman, Annette Dittert offers a sobering account of Britain's current slide into pre-authoritarianism. Drawing on her experience as a correspondent in Poland, Annette directs our gaze past the front-of-house antics of Boris Johnson to the more important backstage goings-on: away from the limelight, the Conservative government is quietly taking an axe to the framework of British democracy.

Boris Johnson's toxic Brexit is poisoning relations with France

(7 December 2021) I had the considerable honour of translating Marion Van Renterghem's incisive assessment of the increasingly tortured relationship between Britain and France for the New Statesman. In examining the "hatred as cordial as it is mutual" between Boris Johnson and Emmanuel Macron, Marion has an enviable eye for small details such as body language which in no way obscures her razor-sharp analysis of the overall political and strategic clash between the two men and the nations they represent. Also, her way of viewing Boris Johnson not just as someone who does, but actually is Brexit uses some of the sharpest tools in French thinking's philosophical and linguistic set.

Scholz won’t revolutionise Germany – but change is welcome after Merkel

(7 December 2021) German voters are not risk-takers. As such, CDU Chancellors frequently get re-elected several times (Adenauer, Kohl, and indeed Merkel) and opposition leaders have a tough time getting into office against incumbents with a Kanzlerbonus. In fact, only once in the history of the Federal Republic has an SPD opposition leader beaten a CDU chancellor: Schröder won against Kohl in 1998.

In all other cases (even that of the legendary Willy Brandt), SPD chancellors get into office after having been in a Grand Coalition with the CDU, by looking as boring as the CDU - and by playing down their social-democratic ambitions. That's exactly how Olaf Scholz has become Chancellor.

But make no mistake: although he looks and talks like Merkel, Scholz is no Merkel Mk. II.

Germans’ obsession with Pfizer jab reveals downsides of country’s health system

(24 November 2021) A certain worldwide sports brand famously uses the slogan "Just do it". Unsurprisingly, it's not the famous German one with the three stripes. "Just doing it" is not how we do things in Germany - not even something as urgently and utterly necessary as vaccinating ourselves against Coronavirus.

That - along with deplorable chauvinism and a health system based on consumer choice - explains why Germany, in the middle of a crippling fourth wave, is still obsessing about which vaccine to use rather than just doing it. Another week, another column from yours truly in The Local on Germany's own particular brand of Covid lunacy.

Covid has sent Germany into hysteria again but the remedy is under its nose

(18 November 2021) Want Germany's current Covid catastrophe explained in two simple figures of speech? 1. When you've got a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. 2. Aus Angst vor dem Tod Selbstmord begehen - or "committing suicide for fear of dying".

After getting lucky last spring, for the rest of last year, Germany kept rates of Coronavirus relatively low thanks to its testing infrastructure and adopting disciplined mask-wearing early. These became our hammers. But, when you've got a hammer, every problem looks like a nail. Which is why Germany is still trying to test its way out of a deadly fourth wave rather than vaccinate the 30% who have not yet had a jab (ironically, developed and produced in Germany...).

Moreover, much of the unvaccinated population and the political class are in the process of committing suicide for fear of death. Those afraid the vaccine will modify their genes/make them grow a second head are now suffering the lethal effects of Covid. And politicians afraid that forcing people to get vaccinated will cost them votes will lose even more votes from the 70% of us who have had it up to here with living in limbo.

Read more on this from me on The Local.

After Cop26, the time for law-abiding demonstrations is over

(16 November 2021) Author of "How to Blow Up a Pipeline" Andreas Malm is a controversial figure. After reading his brutally honest assessment of COP26 ("been and gone; we're still on the road to hell"), however, you might find it hard to escape the conclusion that, actually, he is not controversial at all. Read the original (in Swedish) on Aftonbladet or my translation for The New Statesman.

Germany’s bewildering Covid rules show fierce regionalism is alive and well

(04 November 2021) At the end of the month, Germany's federally-mandated coronavirus state of emergency comes to an end. And in my view, "November 25th won’t – and can’t yet – be “Freedom Day”, but it cannot come soon enough." Read my column for The Local on why the thicket of pointless Coronavirus regulations needs trimming - and why it's time for the Bundesländer to stop delegating downwards while blaming upwards and actually start walking the walk.

Germany is showing the world it can do grown-up politics

(21 October 2021) Immediately following the recent Bundestag election, I was not alone in predicting a difficult, perhaps impossible path towards that SPD/Green/FDP Ampel ("traffic light") coalition - despite the fact that it is, in terms both of parliamentary arithmetic and of the democratic imperative to put parties who up their share of the vote into government. (See below, 27th September, for my first take on post-election prospects.)

In the weeks after the election, however, a few things happened which I for one certainly did not see coming. Mainly: although the likes of Söder and Haseloff were taking pot-shots at Laschet from the outset, I expected them to be brazen enough to at least let him try for Jamaica before really opening fire. This alternative option being on the table would have hampered the prospects for Ampel from the outset, offering the FDP an ideologically more alluring prospect; the fact that it melted away so quickly was surprising.

What is more, after the gruelling and eventually fruitless all-night negotiations of 2017, I think I and many others also expected the same kind of drama as in those failed Jamaika coalition talks. Yet the - generationally younger - Ampel negotiators are proving to be more adult and more effective. Read my take for The Local on how Germany is showing the world that it really can do grown-up politics.

Germany’s rent crisis is fuelled by fear and foolish solutions

(14 October 2021) Ah, who doesn't remember those halcyon days when rents in Germany were so cheap and flats so plentiful that bohemians from across the globe came to Berlin to be able to do their thing…? Those days are certainly long past, that much is sure.

But does that mean that Germany has a housing crisis - or rather: does it have the housing crisis it thinks it does?

In my view, Germany has a housing crisis - of confidence, as fear runs riot and makes extreme solutions look like sensible policy. Read my explanation of this mechanism on The Local.

The UK’s “supply chain crisis” demands an opposition with the guts to say the B-word

(02 October 2021) There's a taboo around "the B-word" in the UK these days, so it's good that Annette Dittert, London bureau chief for the German public broadcaster ARD, is willing to call a spade a spade and the "supply chain issues" the result of Brexit.

I had the pleasure of translating for the New Statesman her excellent analysis of the current situation - and of why Labour will not be able to provide strong opposition for as long as it, too, prefers to uphold the myth that this is all the result of "botched Tory Brexit" (and not just: Brexit.).

Who were the real winners and losers of Germany’s race to replace Merkel?

(27 September 2021) With the shape of Germany's Bundestag arithmetic now more or less set, it's down to the parties to talk coalition options. Unsurprisingly, the CDU (often joking referred to as 'The Association for Electing the Chancellor') is having trouble accepting the fact that it is, for the first time in 16 years, not the largest party in parliament and that it has lost 8% on an already low polling in 2017.

Some in the party are further down the path towards acceptance than others, however. As such, Armin Laschet is trying to beat Olaf Scholz to the Chancellery while major figures in the CDU discreetly pull away. Read my analysis for The Local on how this state affairs played out last night - and what is set to happen over the coming days and weeks.

The making of a Hanseat: What Hamburg reveals about Olaf Scholz

(27 September 2021) If you're looking to find out a little more about Olaf Scholz, the Social Democrat leader who has just won the German elections, his time as mayor of his home city of Hamburg is a good place to start. For the New Statesman's excellent German election coverage, I examined what Olaf Scholz' record as the head of the federal city state of Hamburg tells us about his politics - and his approach to government. Read the piece here.

Talking elephants and grumpy politicians: Four things that will happen after the German elections

(24 September 2021) As unpredictable as the polling landscape in Germany has become and as complicated as its electoral system has always been, there are still some things you can count on: like the Elefantenrunde, a post-election pile-in on Sunday night in which party leaders try to push their version of what the results mean.

For some predictions on how that will turn out - as well as a few other outcomes of this Sunday's Bundestagswahl, read me in The Local.

Germany will have to endure Covid for a while longer, but at least Merkel is going

(14 September 2021) Until now, those who wanted to hear me comment on German politics and society at regular-to-irregular intervals would have had to have joined me at the local Eckkneipe. Now, however, they can just go The Local.

My first opinion column for this Europe-wide English-language news website is on the sense of confusion-cum-relief setting in as Germany realises that Chancellor Merkel really will be going soon (and Covid somewhat later).

How Olaf Scholz and the SPD could lead Germany’s next government

(01 September 2021) With just a few weeks to go until elections to the German Bundestag, the race is (finally) hotting up. After a stellar start, the Green's novel/novice candidate Annalena Baerbock stumbled badly over minor errors and has been struggling to regain momentum. Meanwhile, the CDU candidate aiming to profit from Merkel's "safe pair of hands" image, Armin Laschet, has proved to be a campaigning butterfingers. All of which leaves Olaf Scholz as last man standing.

Beyond luck and the unforced errors of his competitors, Scholz is benefitting from his decades of experience and excellent strategic mind, as well as his proven ability to make social-democratic policy an electable proposition in fiscally conservative Germany. Raised in Hamburg and mayor of the city from 2011 to 2018, Scholz self-consciously follows in the footsteps of his Nordic SPD predecessor Helmut Schmidt and styles himself as that key Hamburg figure, the true Hanseat.

Jeremy Cliffe's eminently readable piece on "How Olaf Scholz and the SPD could lead Germany’s next government" is the most comprehensive short-format assessment of Scholz at this stage of the campaign available in English - to which I was delighted to be able to contribute reporting on Scholz' Hamburg years.

An Ode To Berlin's U-Bahn

(07 June 2021) Several years (emphasis on *several*) after writing An Ode To Berlin's S-Bahn for Slow Travel Berlin, I've finally got round to writing its counterpart: An Ode To Berlin's U-Bahn. Maybe it's something about the lack of travel in general over the last year - either to other cities like Berlin or indeed within cities themselves - that has made researching this such a pleasure. Or maybe it's just the sheer delight of writing for Slow Travel Berlin again. Kudos to Paul for getting it (and forgive the pun) back on the rails...

 

The renewed relevance of the Schleswig-Holstein question

(19 February 2021) I've been thinking for a while now about the centrality of Northern Island in the Brexit question. Often, the complex of issues thrown up on the island of Ireland by the UK leaving the EU is seen as something wholly unique; actually, though, European (and especially German) history has no shortage of territorial disputes involving overlapping cultural and political spheres with the added complexity of nation states and supranational regions thrown in.

One of them is Schleswig-Holstein, just outside Hamburg and remember in London, if at all, today in Lord Palmerston's bon-mot beginning "Only three people have ever really understood the Schleswig-Holstein business…" Read my musing on the parallels to Northern for the New Statesman here.

How coronavirus will change city life (NPR/On Point)

(07 May 2020) Following "A tale of three cities", my essay for the New Statesman on the places transformed by pandemics, I had the considerable honour of being invited by WBUR Boston to discuss the history of Marseille, Hamburg, Östersund in the light of the current pandemic. It was an absolute pleasure to be able to share what I learned while researching the piece; Host Meghna Chakrabarti is an inquisitive interlocutor who keeps the discussion moving while giving her guests time to develop ideas and go into detail. Listen here.

A tale of three cities: the places transformed by pandemics (New Statesman)

(20 April 2020) It may seem strange to go in search of emblematic places in a pandemic - whose defining feature is, after all, that its effects are felt everywhere. But that is just what, in his capacity as International Editor of the New Statesman, Jeremy Cliffe asked me to do. The result is "A tale of three cities: the places transformed by pandemics across history".

As it happens, I live in Hamburg, the only city in western Europe affected by the fifth cholera pandemic, and, still a student, spent a few carefree months in Marseille, one of the last European cities to suffer a serious outbreak of the bubonic plague during the horrific slow-motion pandemic which began with the Black Death and ended in the 1700s. The third place I know of with a particular pandemic association is Östersund, Sweden's "capital of the Spanish flu", where the effects of the 1918 pandemic made themselves particularly evident; I wrote at length about that two years ago for Guardian Cities to mark the centenary of what was, at that time, the last major pandemic in human history.

Gewonnen ist gewonnen! (FALTER 05/20)

(29 January 2020) Im Wiener FALTER erschien ich zum ersten Mal 2016 mit Texten über das Brexit-Referendum. So ist es nur konsequent, den tatsächlichen Austritt des Vereinigten Königreichs aus der EU, fast vier lange Jahre später am Freitag dem 31.01., auch dort zu kommentieren. Mein Fazit: Brexit ist nicht das eigentliche Übel, sondern ein - zugegebenermaßen sehr großes - Symptom. Wer die Probleme des Landes an der Wurzel anpacken will, muss ans Mehrheitswahlrecht und die dazugehörige politische Kultur ran.

Normal service to resume shortly

(18 April 2019) As those I work with regularly will be aware, there has been some serious illness in my family in recent months which has placed considerable demands on my time. Now that things are looking up, however, you can expect to see normal service resume here shortly.

 

How the Spanish Flu helped create Sweden's welfare state, Östersund (Guardian Cities)

(03 September 2018) Today, Östersund is known - in Sweden, and increasingly abroad - for winter sports and Michelin-starred cookery. In 1918, however, it secured unfortunate notoriety as Spanska Sjukans huvudstad - 'the Capital of the Spanish Flu'. As the pandemic swept the world, it struck particularly hard in Östersund due to an unusual combination of remoteness, connectivity, and squalor, killing three times as many people as it did on average.

One hundred years later, however, it is quite impossible to imagine cramped living conditions and abject poverty in what is an enviably prosperous part of the world. In this portrait of the city and récit of the events there in 1918, I look at what has changed - and how the Spanish Flu contributed to starting the transformation of Swedish society.

The happiest party wins! Swedish Elections 2018 (IPS Journal)

(09 August 2018) With the Swedish elections now less than a month away, here's a view from the coalface of campaigning as I speak with longstanding head of Östersund City Council, AnnSofie Andersson, for IPS Journal.

In our wide-ranging discussion, she offers a nuanced and yet strident assessment of how to make the case for centre-left policy and, in so doing, deal with the populist threat - both on a local and a national level. It only remains to see whether this approach will be as successful this September as it has been for AnnSofie and the Social Democrats in Östersund (who have kept overall control of the city council since 1994).

Hoffnungsträger Jeremy Corbyn? (FALTER 20/18)

(16 May 2018) Für die Kollegen vom Wiener FALTER bin ich dem Phänomen/Mythos/Sehnsuchtsbild Jeremy Corbyn auf den Grund gegangen. Anlass waren die am 3. Mai in rund einem drittel der englischen Kommunen erfolgten Lokalwahlen, die als Politbarometer gelten und der landesweiten Regierung überdrüssigen Wählern die perfekte Gelegenheit bietet, ihrer Unzufriedenheit Nachdruck zu verleihen.

Dass Labour unter Corbyn hier nicht eindeutig gewann, ist ein klarer Beleg dafür, was vielen Beobachtern seit längerem klar ist: Jeremy Corbyn kann nur dank einem Betriebsunfall an die Macht kommen. Aus eigener Kraft schafft es die Labour-Partei unter ihm selbst bei günstigsten Bedingungen nicht.

Allied bombs still threaten Hamburg (The Guardian)

(23 April 2018) In Germany, barely a week goes by in which highly-explosive World War Two ordnance is not discovered underground in one of the country's major cities: even after 80 years, bombs which failed to go off remain live and dangerous.

The Guardian sent me to talk to the Hamburg bomb disposal squad to find out how they make sure the bombs found don't go off and to take a look at how the threat is dealt with in Germany generally.

Braunau in the spotlight: Hitler's birthplace embraces inclusion (The Guardian)

(26 March 2018) It is 80 years this month since Hitler made the most historically important of his rare visits to his place of birth, Braunau, passing through as he annexed Austria in 1938. He didn’t stop: his family had moved away when he was three and, with the Anschluss to take care of, he headed straight to nearby Linz, the city he considered home...

Nevertheless, despite his lack of interest in Braunau, the city has remained tainted by Hitler. In this piece for Guardian Cities, I find out how the town copes with its heritage - and what else it has to offer.

Ein Abgesang auf die aktive Twitter-Homepage: Hier spielte die nationale Musik (t3n)

(05 March 2018) Monatelang zeigte Twitter auf ihrer Homepage ein Deutschland, in dem die AfD 60% der Sitze im Bundestag und Erika Steinbach noch dem Bundestag angehört: Das ergab meine heute bei t3n erschienene Untersuchung der aktiven Homepage.

Nun wird dieser Auftritt in den kommenden Wochen zugunsten einer neutralen Startseite endgültig abgeschafft. Denn auch bei Twitter scheint sich die späte Erkenntnis verbreitet zu haben, dass soziale Netzwerke ihre Rolle im politischen Diskurs durchaus gestalten müssen, wenn sie sich nicht Vorwürfe gefallen lassen wollen, sie stärkten Populisten über Gebühr.

Ein schaler Beigeschmack bleibt.

Wittenberg in the spotlight: Luther rules, 500 years after Reformation (The Guardian)

(31 October 2017) 500 years ago today, Martin Luther is said to have nailed his 95 Theses to the door of All Saints' Church in Wittenberg, thus beginning the confrontation with Rome that would become the Reformation, giving us Henry VIII's divorces and European bloodshed, the Protestant work ethic and dour-faced rigour, and freedom, precious freedom from Catholic guilt.

On this anniversary, Guardian Cities sent me to Wittenberg - once an important centre of European learning and electing capital of the Holy Roman Empire, now a picturesque tourist town with a side-line in chemicals - as part of their "Spotlight" series. Read the results of my investigations here.

Brexit: The Disaster Movie (IPS Journal)

(11 September 2017) I didn't choose it, but in many ways, it's an apt date to publish a slightly tongue-in-cheek but nonetheless concerned look at what a worst-case-scenario Brexit could look like. Even if things go relatively well, I think there's a high chance that 30th March 2019 will lead to so many changes that it will acquire a sobriquet in the style of "9-11" - "30-3", perhaps?

While I'm not convinced that a bad Brexit will end in a military take-over (I made the events in the article get more and more far-fetched as it went along) - and certainly not on the timescale of a single week - I do think there is the potential for an unprecedented degree of civil unrest in the UK if Brexit happens the way May, Davis, Johnson et al. and a not inconsiderable percentage of the British public seem to think it should.

I hope I'm wrong on all counts. On every last one.

Theresas Abenteuer im Wunderland (FALTER 15.06)

(15 June 2017) In Großbritannien wurde wieder einmal gewählt. Wie sich Premierministerin Theresa May um den Sieg – und den Verstand – brachte.

Im dieswöchigen Falter zu lesen: Mein Leitkommentar zum Ausgang der Wahl im Vereinigten Königreich, das nun politisch zunehmend einem aus Ozeanien und Nordkorea zusammengebasteltes Wunderland gleicht.

 

Remainers’ revenge: really? (IPS Journal)

(12 June 2017) Both inside and outside of Britain, there has been no shortage of people citing “remainers’ revenge” as one of the reasons why Theresa May was unable to secure the large majority she only recently seemed so capable of achieving.

The rationale goes something like this: May was avowedly in favour of hard Brexit and because she lost, the British electorate has rejected a hard Brexit. Even a short analysis - such as mine in the International Politics and Society Journal - is enough to show, however, that Brexit had little-to-nothing to do with voters' behaviour at the ballot box in last week's UK general election.

Update: This article also appeared on the LSE Political Science blog and led to some interesting and enlightening below-the-line exchanges.

 

Why I will no longer be writing for The Telegraph

(15 March 2017) As of today, I will no longer be taking commissions from The Telegraph. I started writing for the paper's now-defunct Expat section in 2012 and have written sporadically for the Travel desk, too; as luck would have it, my most recent post here was about a piece I wrote for them at the end of last year (see below, dated 30th Jan.).

From day one, writing for The Telegraph was both an honour and an ordeal. On the one hand, the paper has a proud history and has broken important stories: when I started writing for it, it was two years in from the MPs' expense scandals. Moreover, the paper's written style and precision with facts was, in 2012, a mark of quality. The subs on the Expat desk were superb and made every single one of my articles better before publication.

On the other hand, in the partisan landscape of the British national press, The Telegraph has never been my political home, and this is something no-one who reads my work can be in any doubt about. Indeed, laudably, the paper saw no difficulty in commissioning me and publishing my work despite this; in return, I decided that there was no reason I should not commit to the paper and take the opportunity to reach its readers. This is the hallmark of a civilised political and media culture. It was an honour to be a (very small) part of it.

The ordeal came, at first, in the form of the online comments function, which demonstrated amply that many in The Telegraph's online audience did not share my view that tolerance of differing opinions and the cultivation of informed debate are key to the value of the media. Mercifully, the paper removed the comments function at some point in 2014/15 after Daily-Male-style trolls had scared off the last few participants with a genuine interest in discursive exchange. 

Increasingly, however, the ordeal came from the people who make the paper itself. The Expat desk had its budget frozen and then unfrozen, the poor souls producing it were forced to rely on unpaid, unprofessional copy for months at a time, and then - oddly enough, a few weeks prior to the EU referendum - it was summarily shut. Meanwhile, signs that, beyond our relatively inconsequential area of it, the paper overall had renounced its commitment to impartial and investigative journalism were becoming ever more manifest: there was the HSBC gagging thing, the recurring rounds of redundancies, the fact that Peter Oborne left...

Looking back, Oborne leaving would have been a good moment to call it quits. Oborne is what I used to like and respect about The Telegraph: he's somebody with whom I can't help but fundamentally disagree on most issues, but whose research and knowledge are unquestionably sound and whose lines of argument are rigorous. Watch him talk to Owen Jones and you'll see what I mean.

Another good point to cut ties publically would have been the Referendum and the paper's overnight transmogrification into an organ of the 51% with increasing disregard for any vestiges of objectivity. Once again, I missed it, telling myself that, with the negligible amount of now wholly unpolitical writing I stood to do for the paper, there was no reason to overreact; and perhaps things would change - i.e. the usual things journalists say to themselves to quieten their queasiness about the people they write for (no-one likes to talk about that side of the job).

So, to my shame, it's taken an only-half-joking death threat to Nicola Sturgeon for calling for a second referendum on Scottish independence (hastily altered, as ever, after the damage has been done) to convince me that any ties to the paper are toxic and that, however infrequently I have written for it of late, I must now distance myself from it emphatically.

This is not an insult to everyone else working on or for The Telegraph. If anything, the tenacity of the sane voices there in the face of what they must recognise (more than any outside observer) as dangerous ideological zeal from on high is to be applauded; on the same day as Allison Pearson was calling for the decapitation of Nicola Sturgeon, Michael Deacon was masterfully calling out Theresa May on the glaring contradictions in her political positioning on the intertwining issues of Brexit and Scottish independence.

For me, though, the decision is final. One British politician has already lost her life in the last twelve months thanks in no small part to irresponsible rabble-rousing on the far right of the political spectrum. I will not be seen to be associated with a paper that tolerates, permits, or perhaps even actively furthers this kind of coarsening of the political debate.

I will be leaving the links to my past work for The Telegraph online on this website. As explained above, there was a time when I enjoyed writing for the paper and produced, I like to think, quality work for it. It would be Orwellian to try and redact the past; in fact, that the paper once published work like this should stand as a testament to how low it is now sinking in its dogmatic, doctrinaire approach.

 

 

How to ride the last remaining sleeper trains

(30 January 2017) If you're someone who tries to avoid flying like I do - or just someone who enjoys the ring of words like "buffet car" and "compartment" - then you'll be aware of how badly Europe's once thickly-woven network of night trains has suffered from cuts and closures in recent years.

But there is some good news. Find out about which sleepers have survived and about the prospects for new and better services in this article I wrote for the Telegraph.

What can Hamburg learn from London? BBC London report

(22 November 2016) Besides the (not always so) jokey post-Brexit suggestions that London should "go it alone" and cut loose from the UK, there have been quite serious demands for increased autonomy coming from City Hall in recent years. Mayor Kahn looks to be placing control over tax revenue and a range of other powers at the centre of his demands from Westminster.

In light of this, BBC London wanted to know if German city states - of which there are three - have anything to teach London. And what with Hamburg being the most successful (sorry Bremen and Berlin!), that brought them here. As well as talking to Mayor Scholz and employers in the city, they also sought my view as a Londoner living here and as a journalist and author who has written on, among many other things, German regional politics.

I'm always wary of making facile comparisons between countries, especially between a federal one like Germany and a semi-devolved mish-mash like the UK. But there certainly are lessons worth learning for London in Hamburg's experience as a city state which has the same political position and clout as many a larger region - and the same risk factors. Read, listen, and watch on the BBC website.

"Ja, bitte! Nein, danke!" FALTER 28.09

(01 October 2016) Im FALTER 39/16 wurde der Frage nachgegangen, warum die österreichische SPÖ gegen das CETA-Abkommen ist, die deutsche SPD aber dafür. Dazu gab es eine Reihe von Berichte über den Stand der CETA-Debatte aus anderen europäischen Ländern. Mir fiel die nur auf dem ersten Blick langweilige Aufgabe zu, zu erklären, warum CETA in Großbritannien überhaupt kein Thema ist...

 

Les films de Louis Delluc

(17 August 2016) "Prix Delluc": tout le monde en connaît le nom, mais très peu savent dire qui est-ce que c'était, ce Louis Delluc. D'abord critique - et inventeur du mot "cinéaste" en tant que tel - il est devenu auteur et réalisateur - donc cinéaste - lui-même. Après sa mort jeune en 1924, son oeuvre a vite été oubliée par le grand public, mais est restée courante parmis les cinéphiles. 

J'ai eu le grand honneur d'écrire les sous-titres en anglais pour cette version intégrale de ses quatres films survivants : Le Chemin d'Ernoa, La Femme de nulle part, Fièvre, et L'Inondation. Disponible ici.

 

The Delluc film prize is one of France's most prestigious, and yet few French people can say with any certainty who Delluc was. Beginning as a film critic, Delluc eventually became a screenwriter and director. After his early death in 1924, his work was quickly forgotten by the public, yet remained well-known among those interested in film.

I had the considerable honour of producing the English-language subtitles for his four surviving films - which are now available here.

 

Britain and Germany: A Special Relationship? Großbritannien&Deutschland: Sonderbeziehung?

(1 July 2016) In view of the current political climate in the UK with regard to Europe, the question of British-German relations is as important as ever. As such, I'll be offering a talk in Hamburg at 6.30pm on 6th July entitled “Britain and Germany: A Special Relationship?” examining the long history of misunderstandings and reconciliations, conflict and cooperation between these two countries, quoting extensively from my anthology of English-language writing about Germany and using this historical perspective to examine the events around Brexit and prospects for an uncertain future.

The talk (in English) will run for 45 minutes and will be followed by questions. Get information about the location near U-Hallerstraße and register to attend here.

Vortrag (Englisch, 45 Min.), Fragestunde (Englisch, Fragen können auch auf Deutsch gestellt und beantwortet werden.)

 

"Diesmal kein Schwein gehabt" Falter 29.06

(28 June 2016) Es sind traurige, aufreibende Tage für meine Heimatinsel. Aber wir wären nun wirklich nicht mehr dieselben Briten, wenn wir uns nicht auf Galgenhumor stützen könnten. Dazu hilft die tragi-komische Figur David Cameron, der Gerüchten zufolge einst im Rahmen einer Initiation im Oxforder Bullingdon Club, einer Schnösel-Studentenverbindung, ein totes Schwein oral penetrierte...

So hat Cameron mit seiner Wette, mittels Referendum die Euroskeptiker in seiner Partei zum Schweigen zu bringen, eben kein Schwein gehabt. Leider bleibt das Lachen insofern aus, als er sein Land - ebenfalls mein Land - auseinandergesprengt hat.

Cameron, Johnson, Europa, Schottland, Schweinsex: Alles zum Brexit von mir hier im Wiener Falter.

"Herr Hitler ist wieder da!" Falter 15.06

(14 June 2016) Im dieswöchigen Falter erscheint ein längerer Essay von mir auf Deutsch zur Brexit-Debatte. Tenor: Die Auseinandersetzung mit der Europa-Frage ist zu einer Art Enthemmungsserum geworden, unter dessen Einfluss die Briten nicht mehr zwischen Parodie und Ernst unterscheiden - und einst radikal fremdenfeindliche Positionen wieder durch die humoristische Hintertür wieder salonfähig gemacht werden. Dabei spielen Fakten lange keine Rolle mehr.

Eine ernüchterte - und ernüchternde - Betrachtung eines Landes, das einst für seinen feinsinnigen Humor und lässige Toleranz bewundert wurde.

Brexit fears prompted this Brit to take German citizenship

(26 April 2016) Fed up of the whole Brexit debate already? Me too! In fact, I was fed up of it the minute I worked out a referendum was coming, which is why, last summer, I decided to take a step I'd been considering for some time and get German citizenship.

While I wouldn't have taken German nationality unless I were happy to anyway - and, given how great it is to live here, how much I know about the place, and how it has a genuine constitution and a strong democratic tradition, why wouldn't I be? - I won't deny that knowing, whatever happens, my legal status here is now sorted has allowed me to view the whole "Breferendum" palaver with a far clearer head (and a less agitated heart).

Here's my story for the Telegraph on getting British-German dual nationality and what it means for me. 

Bog standards: why the Germans are obsessed with toilets

(23 March 2016) Ever wondered if there's anything behind that stereotype about Germans' love of the word Scheiße and all things faecal? Well, there is - but it's more about health and hygiene than anything else.

Germany's most popular non-fiction book last year, for instance, was Darm mit Charme by Giulia Enders (now available in English as Gut: The Inside Story of Our Body’s Most Underrated Organ), and it certainly taps into a fearless, interested attitude in the large intestine and its meaning for physical and even psychological wellbeing.

This focus on health goes some - but not all the way - to explaining the "Lay and display" model of toilet bowel, the fear of men pissing standing up, and the pathological phobia of mould. Not that I'm complaining: mould looks horrible and our landlord is about to shell out thousands to rid us of it...

Get the "lowdown" from me on Germans and their Khazis here.

What would Brexit mean for you? (2)

(18 March 2016) Following the success of our #BERBritsBrexit event and a similar #MUCBritsBrexit event organised by Rob Harrison, Jon Worth and I will once again be sharing a platform to talk about what Brexit could mean for British people in Germany.

We're working with the eminently capable John Heaven to organise #HHBritsBrexit in Hamburg on 30th March 2015. Annette Dittert, former ARD correspondent in London and Louise Brown, British-born, German-based novelist will be joining us on stage at Haus73 from 7pm onwards. All welcome; €4 on the door.

So if you're British, living in Germany, and worried that, despite Mr. Cameron's "efforts" (or rather, in no small part due to them), the UK is on a course out of the EU, then come along to find out what the state of play is, what the effects of a Brexit could be for you - and how to apply for German citizenship.

German Grammar Schools: Why I dodge the topic at dinner parties

(25 February 2016) The Gymnasium is Germany's answer to the old fashioned Grammar School: an academic hothouse for the top achievers aged 11. In some states, however, selection has been all but abolished, making the Gymnasien more or less into little more schools for children with ambitious parents.

Read my (I'd like to think, measured) rant here on why this is so pernicious.

What would Brexit mean for you?

(20 February 2016) If you're British, living in Germany, and worried that, despite Mr. Cameron's "efforts" (or rather, in no small part due to them), the UK is on a course out of the EU, then you may well be somewhat unsettled at the moment.

Although I can't put your mind at rest, I can offer information about getting German citizenship, and so will be contributing to Jon Worth's Berlin information evening (as will the venerable Philip Oltermann) on Wednesday 20th February about the current state of negotiations, the chances of a Brexit actually happening, and what it might mean for British people in Germany.

British and European attitudes to renting and buying: BBC radio discussion

(05 February 2015) Being a tenant in Germany is, as I've described at length here, a pretty sweet deal. Which is why Stephen Jardine from BBC Radio Scotland wanted to find out about how Germans see renting as opposed to buying, and spoke to me this morning. 

With fewer and fewer people ever expecting to 'get on the property ladder' in the UK, Scotland is bringing in new tenancy legislation aiming to beef up renters' rights and increase stability in the market. Yet I remain convinced that renting in the UK remains a mugs' game. Listen again here.

German carnival: wenches go wild as Rio meets the Rhineland

(26 January 2016) In two weeks, it's Shrove Tuesday. "Oh, great, pancakes with Jiff lemon..." I hear you say with a slight groan. Yes, Lenten week in the UK is pretty lame.

For the Rhineland and several other culturally Catholic areas of Germany, however, the lead-up to Lent is a big thing: with six weeks of fasting (or, nowadays, giving up chocolate/cigarettes/cask ale) looming ahead, every year, the inhabitants of Cologne, Bonn, and Düsseldorf enjoy one last week of madness from Shrovetide Thursday - "Wenches' Carnival" - through to Mardi Gras.

And, every year, I make a point of returning to Düsseldorf to enjoy it with them. Read my report for the Telegraph here.

The Oxford & Cambridge Society of Hamburg

(02 December 2015) It is my great pleasure to announce the official launch of the Oxbridge Society of Hamburg, a new alumni association which replaces the previous Oxbridge Dining Society (with which I was involved) and the now-disbanded Oxford University Society of Hamburg (with which I was not).

As of December 2015, the Oxbridge Society in Hamburg constitutes the official alumni representation for both the Universities and will be staging a programme of events in 2016. I will have the considerable pleasure of being part of the quartet of alumni leading the Society.

If you are an alumnus of either Oxford or Cambridge in Hamburg or northern Germany, please feel free to get in touch with us either via the website above or using my contact page.

Frankfurt in Financial News

(09 November 2015) If you work in the City - or know someone who has a subscription to Financial News - then do take a look at this week's edition, which carries a piece by yours truly on the role of Frankfurt in the history of banking and finance in Germany and Europe.

Frankfurt book now in stores (i.e. on Amazon)

(10 September 2015) Just 10 weeks after the slated release date, my cultural and historical guide to Frankfurt is now out and available in stores near you (i.e. on the Internet, courtesy of a certain Monopolist, I'm guessing...).

So what to expect? Signal Books has produced cultural travel guides about the history and culture of many major world cities over the years, and my work draws on the successful Innercities model, with twelve essay-like chapters on topics such as the historical development of Frankfurt, its importance as a financial and banking centre, and its role in the development of the written word and the academic discipline of critical theory.

If you're looking to a guide to Frankfurt - one of Europe's most important and yet most underrated cities - that is about more than just expensive restaurants and plush hotels, this is the one for you. Holy Roman Emperors, Bismarck, Theodor Adorno... the Frankfurt Innercities Cultural Guide has got it all!

Landesverrat: die Streitfrage in der TAZ am Wochenende

(10 August 2015) Für die Rubrik "Streitfrage" in der TAZ am Wochenende wurde ich gebeten, ein paar Sätze zum Thema Landesverrat zu schreiben. Das habe ich auch gemacht - und einer davon ist hier erschienen. Allerdings unter einem bislang auch mir unbekannten literarischen Pseudonym.

Brits just grin and bear bad dentistry

(29 July 2015) As anyone who works (or just chats) with me on a regular basis will know, I do love a good Simpsons reference. So it was an obvious choice for me to begin writing about just how much better dental care is in Germany than in Britain by referring to the nightmarish "Big Book of British Smiles" shown to coerce a frightened Ralph Wiggum into telling the truth about his laziness when it comes to brushing his teeth...

Frankfurt book gone to print

(06 July 2015) To all of you out there who've pre-ordered my book about Frankfurt and are wondering when "25 June" is, it was two weeks back and I'm sorry that we didn't get it out on time.

However, the good news is that the book has gone to print and should be with people in the course of this month.

Food in Germany: a cult-like devotion to aphrodisiac asparagus

(03 June 2015) If there's one suggestively shaped thing all Germans love to eat, it's a... sausage? Wrong! Vegetarians wouldn't touch them, after all.

No, the giggle-inducing foodstuff that really unites the country is asparagus, consumed in a two-month marathon during its short growing season in a ritualised meal that - for reasons I explain for the Telegraph here - bears more than a passing resemblance to the Great British Roast Dinner, albeit with a Dionysian twist...

The Tuareg or Kel Tamasheq, and a history of the Sahara

(26 May 2015) From Tuesday 2nd through to Saturday 20th June, the Royal Geographic Society will be showing an exhibition on the Saharan nomadic Kel Tamasheq - or Tuareg people.

It has been my honour, privilege, and occasional curse to translate texts and subtitle videos to accompany the fascinating photographs that will make up the centrepiece.

I hasten to add that I was not translating out of the Tuareg languages (Tamasheq), but out of French, as much of the territories inhabited by the Tuareg are in Francophone Africa.

British people in Europe and the 2015 General Election

(29 April 2015) Over recent weeks, I'd been wondering whether I was the only Brit in Europe losing sleep over the outcome of next week's General Election  and decided to do this round-up on the topic for the Telegraph.

One thing seems to be clear: expats both temporary and permanent want continued engagement with UK politics, but can't be bribed with the prospect of it. And - obviously enough - no-one wants a Brexit.

Bizarre German birthday traditions explained

(01 April 2015) Since 1st April is typically a day for pranks, I thought I'd proffer a text including a reference to one: bachelors turning 30 in Germany are by tradition required to sweep the steps of their local town hall wearing women's clothing.

I recently had my 30th birthday in Hamburg - but managed to avoid both the town hall and women's clothing. Read more about my lucky escape, and German birthday traditions generally, here.

New book on Frankfurt out in June

(25 March 2015) Following the publication of my anthology of writing about Germany, in May 2013, Signal Books decided to keep me busy and sent me to Frankfurt to write a cultural and historical guide to this important-yet-under-rated city.

The result of several research trips, some enjoyable visits to friends, and a few failed attempts to grow accustomed to the local tipple (a particularly astringent cider) later, and I've handed in the manuscript.

So if you regularly frequent Frankfurt or otherwise have an interest in getting beyond standard guidebook fare, look out for the Signal Books Innercities biography of Frankfurt this June.

Debatte: Brauchen wir Paywalls? Social Media Week Hamburg

(24 February 2015) Am kommenden Donnerstag (26.02) im MakerHub, Große Bergstraße 160, moderiere ich eine Debatte zwischen zwei Journalisten zur folgenden These: Wir brauchen digitale Wälle, um Onlinejournalismus zu finanzieren.

Für diese Position spricht Lisa-Marie Eckardt (u. a. STERN); gegen sie tritt Mark Heywinkel (Vocer, Urban Journalism Salon) an. Da die Debatte in der Tradition des britischen Parlamentarismus abgehalten wird - also mit Pro und dann Contra, Erwiderungen, Einsprüchen, und Zusammenfassung - moderiert sie euer Lieblings-Brite-vom-Dienst.

Hier mehr Infos sowie Anmeldung. Hashtag wird sein: #SMWPAYWALL

The country where renting is a dream

(18 February 2015) Two things of interest to me happened on the Telegraph website today: first, there was a gallery of Famous British Brians (in which I was, inexplicably, not mentioned).

Secondly, and more promisingly, an article by me went live about renting in Germany and how much more secure tenancies are here as against in the UK. Read about the absurdly generous German agreements I've come across here.

Germany, land of the cheerful chimney sweep

(23 December 2014) It's that time of year again: Germans are stockpiling fireworks with enough explosive power to launch several missions to Mars and are generally preparing for a few weeks of exceptionally dangerous festivities: molten metal, dry wood, flaming rum (and that's just inside the home).

Good job that the country still has a strong force of professional chimney sweeps who keep an up-to-date list of all gas-burning stoves - and keep up the style and swagger of generations gone by. Unsurprisingly, these cheerful chappies are considered good luck for the new year.

Netzfilter: Kein Anschluss unter dieser URL

(19 December 2014) Was haben Deutschlands bekannteste Hacker, Großbritanniens berühmtester politischer Blogger, und der Pfadfinderinnen-Verband der britischen Grafschaft Essex gemeinsam?

Hört sich zwar wie der Anfang eines schlechten Witzes an: Die Antwort ist aber alles andere als lustig: Alle drei waren in Großbritannien von Netzfiltern betroffen. Weiteres von mir aus der wahnsinnigen Welt der "Pornowall" auf ZDF Heute.de.

No green bottle is ever left hanging on the wall in Germany

(07 November 2014) For approaching 15 years now, Germany has had a bottle deposit system. The aim is to motivate thrifty Teutons to return their bottles for recycling rather than just to chuck them, and it certainly achieves that.

There are, however, unintended consequences to turning bottles into what is essentially a low denomination form of tender. Read my sally into the mechanics of "professional bottle deposit collecting" in German cities for the Telegraph here.

Why Bavaria is Germany's Scotland

(26 Septenber 2014) Greetings from a country with lots of castles, mountains, lochs, a strong independence movement and a love for national costume worn by men without underpants. Yes, that's right, it's... Bavaria.

Yes folks, Bavaria is Germany's Scotland: just replace lochs with lakes, kilts with lederhosen, and whisky with beer. Also, subtract a referendum and replace financially vulnerable with economically invincible...

The Need for Speed in Germany

(22 August 2014) Kraftwerk, that epitome of German techno, were sparing with words. One of their only refrains of any note, however, was "Wir fahr'n, fahr'n, fahr'n, auf der Autobahn". Reason enough to examine the role of these "auto tracks" on the national psychology of the world's greatest car-producing nation for the Telegraph Expat pages.

Let's Own the News: Crowd-Kampagne will Murdoch "Times" abkaufen

(19 August 2014)  Eine brillant-benebelte Schnappsidee, wie sie allabendlich in Londoner Kneipen ausgeheckt werden - und die das Zeug hat, das Korkenknallen unter britischen Medienbaronen zum Erliegen zu bringen... 100 Million Pfund zusammenbekommen und Murdoch das Filetstück seines Medienimperiums abkaufen.

Tja, warum eigentlich nicht? Bei heute.de vom ZDF stelle ich die Macher hinter der Kampagne vor.

Remembrance of the First World War in Germany

(04 August 2014) I've just returned from a nice long holiday back in Blighty featuring London, Bath, Bristol, and Cornwall. Since I travel by train, my journey there and back took me through Liège, where European leaders have gathered today to mark the start of the First World War - Liège being the first Belgian City to have been attacked by the advancing German armies.

I feel exceptionally lucky to be a British person living in Germany able to pass through Belgium without seeing so much as a handgun, let alone columns of artillery. As such, I was very pleased to have the opportunity to writing about how Germany is commemorating the start of the Great War here.

Slow Travel Hamburg

(18 July 2014) Are you ready to experience Hamburg the Slow Travel way? Here's your introduction with an itinerary for your first 24 hours in town - in proud association with the hugely successful Slow Travel Berlin network (now also featuring Slow Travel Stockholm).

Amnesty Internetional stellt britische Überwachung in Frage

(14 July 2014) Bislang liegt der Fokus der öffentlichen Aufregung über Ausspähen unter Verbündeten auf die Aktivitäten der Amerikaner. Dabei ist das Vorgehen der britischen Geheimdienste nicht minder skandalös.

Die Datensammelwut des britischen GCHQ wird aber diese Woche in London vor dem Investigatory Powers Tribunal - einem Sondergericht für Schlapphüte - von international agierenden Kläger aus der Zivilgesellschaft in Frage gestellt. Dazu habe ich für den ZDF ein Gespräch mit Amnesty International geführt.

Need a holiday? Move to Germany!

(01 July 2014) "Summer time, and ze living is easy!" There's nothing like a look at a German calendar stuffed full of public holidays to make your average British office worker (and all freelancers, like, anywhere...) jealous. Ascension Day, Whitsun, Corpus Christi, Assumption Day, Presumption Day: every obscure Catholic holy day is transubstantiated into a German holiday. Want to go green with envy? Read more here.

Marcel l'Herbier: Veille d'Armes, La Route impériale

(17 June 2014) Ladies and gentlemen, we have the very great pleasure of inviting you to join us for daring maritime missions and amourous adventures in the desert. Mysterious military men, femmes fatales, masked terrorists: all this and more is to be found in these two forgotten films of the 1930s by French director Marcel L'Herbier, Veille d'Armes and La Route impériale (subtitled into English by yours truly).

Mesdames et messieurs, vous êtes invités à nous rejoindre pour de dangereuses missions maritimes et d'aventures amoureuses dans le désert :  militaires mystérieux, femmes fatales, terroristes masquées - il y a de tout dans ces deux oeuvres oubliés de Marcel L'Herbier, datant des années 30s. Et si vous voulez bien pratiquer votre anglais, c'est moi qui a fait les sous-titres...

I'm no fare dodger, but I am forgetful

(02 June 2014) It's a constant source of amazment to people visiting me here from more mistrustful countries: Germany doesn't have ticket barriers on any forms of transport. The two most frequent questions are: 1) why does anyone actually bother buying one? Then, after seeing lots of people voluntarily purchasing tickets: 2) What happens if you don't? Read more in my column for Telegraph.co.uk about the difference between "travelling black", as fare doding is called, and "travelling grey..."

The Populist Networks: Panel discussion about euroskeptic online activity

(28 May 2014) If you were one of those people who assumed that social networks were populated exclusively by the young and cosmopolitan, think again! Reactionary political groups are hugely active on the social internet, and to coincide with the European elections last week, the Bertelsmann Stiftung released a very interesting pan-continental study about just how networks of eurosceptic and right-wing nationalist groups coalesce and interact online.

This innovative and detailed study is available here. If it sparks your interest and you're in Berlin on the evening of Monday 2 June, then register for a panel discussion with yours truly, Benoît Thieulin (La Netscouade), Mayte Peters (Publixphere e. V.) and Benjamin Zeeb (Project for Democratic Union) about how populist politicians work online.

Lost in Deutschland 4ever!

(26 May 2014) Gefühlt weit weg ist es her: Als ich neu in Deutschland war und versuchte, meine Eindrücke und Entdeckungen mittels wöchentlicher Videos und gelegentlicher Artikel unter dem Titel "Lost in Deutschland" einzuordnen.

2010 gipfelte dieses Projekt in Form eines Buchs mit dem PONS-Verlag. Da war ich schon fast drei Jahre im Lande und folglich bot es sich an, dieses Druckerzeugnis als krönenden Abschluss anzusehen und Neues zu wagen. Denn wirklich orientierungslos war ich nicht mehr.

Hin und wieder bin aber wieder so "lost" wie am Anfang. Als ich zum Beispiel vor einiger Zeit vom Bezirksamt einen "Freizügigkeitsschein" bekam und dachte zunächst, dies könnte etwas mit FKK zu tun haben. Da freut es mich natürlich zu sehen, dass "Lost in Deutschland: Ein Brite über Currywurst und Pünktlichkeit" - lange Zeit nach Abverkauf der ersten und einzigen Auflage nur aus zweiter Hand erhältlich - nun als Kindle-eBook zum Verkauf steht.

LiD stirbt nie.

ZDF Hyperland: Social Media als gefährliche Trumpfkarte der Euro-Gegner

(10 May 2014) Wer dachte, die Anhänger von euroskeptischen Parteien vorwiegend älter und ländlicher und deswegen weniger Internet-affin wäre, täuscht sich.

Vielleicht war das mal, aber heute bedienen sich antieuropäische Parteien wie die britische UKIP des Internets, um ihre Stammklientel bei der Stange zu halten - und um am Rand des rechten Sumpfs nach Wählern zu angeln.

Ein Ausflug von Hyperland aus ins ungemütliche Online-Territorium der UK Independence Party.

German Easter: chaos, acrid fumes and buns fried in butter

(18 April 2014) Let me just make it clear that I'm not an Easter humbug: it's just that, as an atheist, about the only worthwhile bits of it are currant buns and chocolate eggs. Luckily, Germany at Eastertime (whenever it may fall) is a promised land for both!

Germans love minced meat just a little too much...

(25 March 2014) I once heard a story about a German man buying 50 kilos of minced meat and fashioning a sex doll out of it. While it may well be apocryphal, it strikes me as telling that this sort of urban myth gets coined and spread at all. All the more reason to examine the German love of all animal flesh chopped...

Why do the Germans bottle out of drinking tap water?

(26 February 2014) Commentators on Germany from Tacitus onwards have invariably commented on Germany's rainy skies - second only to Britain and Belgium in the global list of "countries where visitors always talk about how crap the weather is". So it might come as something of a surprise to know that the water-rich Germans harbour an almost pathological fear of tap water.

ZDF Hyperland: Zoopla schafft totale Wohntransparenz

(20 February 2014) “An Englishman’s home is his castle.” Hat der Brite doch schon immer seinen Wohlstand in Form eines Eigenheims zur Schau gestellt. Wie praktisch, dass heute jeder über das Internet herausfinden kann, was die eigene Immobilie Wert ist (oder die des Nachbarn). Ein Besuch auf Zoopla schafft totale Transparenz. Mehr lesen auf ZDF Hyperland.

ZDF Hyperland: Das Fräulein vom Amt spendet für Sie

(30 January 2014) Der britische Mobilfunkanbieter The People's Operator bietet Telefonieren und Internet-Flat mit gutem Gewissen an, denn 10% der monatlichen Rechnungen dürfen Kunden an eine Organisation ihrer Wahl spenden: Jetzt will Wikipedia-Gründer Jimmy Wales den spendablen "Volkstelefonisten" in andere Länder bringen. Allerdings lässt sich das wohltätige "Fräulein vom Amt" in Großbritannien auf brisante parteipolitische Partnerschaften ein. Mehr von mir darüber im Hyperland von ZDF.

Why the green man is king in Germany

(28 January 2014) I'm certainly not the first to remark on the German respect for traffic lights and correct road crossing, and probably not even the first to link this to the semi-philosophical jingoism of Jerome K. Jerome in so doing, but - hey ho - that's life. It's an interesting comparison because it's so tempting, but when Germans are waiting for the green man, it's not cowering obedience that's keeping there, but a simple respect for cherished societal rules. Read more on the Telegraph website.

Au revoir, Paris-Madrid

(16 December 2013) I was saddened to learn that the Paris-Madrid and Paris-Barcelona Talgo-Trenhotel night trains would be disappearing on Saturday 14th December and took this opportunity to take an overall look at the generally parlous state of international sleeper services in Europe for the Telegraph Travel pages. Read more about which services have disappeared - and which ones look most likely to hold out against the triple-whammy of high costs, competition from the air, and a non-functional European rail "market".

Ici mon article sur la disparition des trains de nuit Talgo-Trenhotel entre Paris-Austerlitz et Madrid/Barcelone (en anglais).

Aquí mi artículo sobre la desaparición de los trenes de noche Taglo-Trenhotel entre Madrid-Charmartin/Barcelona-França y París (en inglés).

Granny Gerda and her mobster scrilla

(06 December 2013) There's a lot of talk in Germany at the moment about the lack of investment; even if the Grand Coalition agreement with its promises of infrastructure modernisation is accepted and implemented, it will be drop in the ocean (or "on a hot stone", as the German phrase goes). Which doesn't surprise me: there won't be any investment in Germany until the Government has the cash (and I mean that word quite literally) reserves to make it. Read my piece about the German love of cash and fear of credit for more on that.

The German Election - the beer was not decisive

(08 November 2013) So we're approaching the two month mark after the German federal elections and the country still doesn't have a government. This feels pretty weird for a British guy with phrases like "the markets will go haywire if there's a hung parliament" ricocheting around in his mind, but it's standard procedure for the Germans. Read about the advantages of long, drawn-out coalition talks here.

Talk at Merton College, Oxford

(28 October 2013) On 18th October, I had the immeasurable privilege of returning to Merton College almost exactly 10 years after I went up as a student to give a talk as part of librarian Julia Walworth's admirable History of the Book initiative. My research on writing about Germany had turned up several incidences of publishing firsts, and I was delighted to be able to share these with scholars interested in written communication.

Julia keeps as many sessions as possible open to all, so if you are in Oxford and have an interest in anything and/or everything from old Shakespearean manuscripts through to digital word processing programmes such as TeX, do try and catch a History of the Book event.

Oktoberfest 2013

(01 October 2013) This was my fifth year at the Oktoberfest, and I thought it was time for an all-out confession of my love for lederhosen. I never would have guessed that I'd ever wear them for anything more than a dare or for work purposes: yes, being a freelance video journalist in Germany can lead has led to conceivable situations in which it is a professional necessity to wear lederhosen.

So get your Stanley Kubrick anoraks on and come join me for: The Oktoberfest - Or how I learned to stop worrying and love lederhosen.

Und wenn ihr keine Einführung auf Englisch in die wunderbare Welt der Wiesn, der Dirndl und der Lederhosen braucht, könnt ihr bei den Freunden styleranking.de zum Wiesn-Quiz 2013 vorbeischauen und sehen, ob ihr wirklich alles über das Oktoberfest wisst.

Eine Frage habe ich zwar dieses Jahr ausnahmsweise nicht gestellt, aber hier kriegt ihr die auch beantwortet.

The German Election 2013 - the beer will decide

(12 September 2013) When the SPD came up with their long-awaited new election slogan this Spring, I was momentarily disappointed: Das Wir entscheidet. In a way, it's clever, saying both that "we (as a collective) make decisions" and that "together, we hold the power to decide"; it made a nice change from the me-me-me tax-cutting rhetoric of the liberals or the "I'm voting for Merkel" propaganda produced by the parties in government.

Then I took another look at it and realised that it doesn't really mean anything; at the head of a manifesto filled with redistributive and socially-progressive policies, it might have done, but as essentially the only accompanying words for a political campaign, it's little more than a statement of fact: of course the collective decides everything - we are a democracy after all.

This slogan is half-baked at best, especially given that almost everyone who hears it unanimously mishears it as Das Bier entscheidet - the beer decides. All in all, the German electoral campaign is dull and unimaginative: which is a shame, because the stakes couldn't be higher. My rant on the matter is available here.

ZDF Hyperland - Das britische Internet soll sauber sein

(26 August 2013) Ich habe mal wieder was für die Kollegen in Hyperland geschrieben: Und zwar geht es um die Initiative des britischen Premierministers David Cameron, Internet-Verbindungen in ganz Großbritannien mit voreingestellten Pornographie-Filtern auszustatten. Hört sich kontrovers und umstritten an? Ist es auch.

Where the old timers play bowls in the birthday suits

(09 August 2013) Heading off on holiday? Well, don't forget your swimming costume. And if you do, just try and get to Germany and find an "FKK" - or naturists' - beach. There are plenty of them and, as I found out, all are welcome regardless of shape and size.

ZDF Hyperland - Britischer Humor bei Twitter

(01 August 2013) Wer dachte, ich würde nichts mehr auf Deutsch veröffentlichen, dem sei hier auf ZDF Hyperland hingewiesen! Ich spiele zwar immer noch den Briten vom Dienst, sozusagen. Was euch bei diesem hervorragend witzigen Thema allerdings überhaupt nichts ausmachen soll: Britischer Humor bei Twitter. Die Recherche? Ein einziges Lachfest! Majestätsbeleidigungen in verschiedenster Form sowie Persiflage und schlichtweg Sinnloses: Have fun!

School's out for the summer - or is it?

(16 July 2013) Reading about Michael Gove's plans to reform school holidays in the UK got me thinking about how the Germans do things - namely, the same way as they do a lot of things: on a complicated, regional system that is so fiendishly complex that just about everyone manages to get what they want out of it. Here's my two pfennigs on it for the expat section of the Telegraph.

Why the Germans never go Dutch

(24 June 2013) There's a great buzzfeed or Tumblr or similar going around at the moment called "British People Problems", and one of my British people problems is extreme embarrassment when it comes to paying in restaurants in Germany. Not only are tips accorded with a form of that preserve of the Burk in the Merc, "keep the change", but even good friends are unlikely to split a bill by the number of people at the table: cue toe-curling reconstructions of who had what and how much it costs...

Then again, as I realised while thinking more deeply about the reasons behind this seeming pedantry for the Telegraph's expat section, it has more upsides than down.

La Dame de pique - cinéma français

(30 May 2013) Voici un incontournable pour les adeptes du cinéma français classique (ou pour ceux qui - pour des raisons esthétiques - veulent le devenir). La Dame de pique de Léonard Keigel, filmé en 1965, basant sur une nouvelle de Pouchkine adapté par Julien Green, et inexplicablement négligé dornévant malgré ces grands noms - et sa qualité indubitable. Dès maintement à commander par la boutique des Documents Cinématographiques, société Parisienne qui l'a restauré. Et qui m'en ont confié le sous-titrage anglais.

Here's a must-have for all you classic French film buffs (or those of you who like the idea of being one and would like to start somewhere) - La Dame de pique, directed by Léonard Keigel in 1965 and based on an adaptation by Julien Green of Pushkin's short story The Queen of Spades. Despite the big names involved and its doubtless qualities, it had been rather inexplicably neglected: until now, restored by Paris' Les Document Cinématographiques, who are selling it online (and who got me to do the English subtitles).

London book launch

(02 April 2013) After two years of hard, enjoyable work, Germany: Beyond the Enchanted Forest - A Literary Anthology is finally on its way to a bookstore or online monopolist near you.

That's more than enough reason to celebrate with a glass of sekt or two, so a book launch event has been arranged on 25th April 23rd May at a lovely little location in W11.

If you would be interested in coming along and have something half-approaching a good reason to do so (you're a journalist interested in *maybe* reviewing the book; your dad's first cousin once removed was German - or, wait, was he Dutch? etc.), please use the contact function on this website to get in touch and have yourself put on the guest list. ("Mum, I've told you, I don't want you coming along and embarrassing me... No, not even if you use the contact form... Oh, alright...")

Germany is linguistically stuck in the 1880s / Sprachlicher Chauvinismus in Deutschland

(04 March 2013) The last few months in Germany have seen a range of debates about the use of language in the public sphere. In late 2012, the minister for families and women Kristina Schröder set the ball rolling in an interview with Die Zeit by mentioning two areas in which she would like to see a more politically correct attitude to language.

Firstly, she complained that many classic children's books still contained outdated racist vocabulary which she would feel uncomfortable reading out loud to her own toddler. Secondly, she pointed out that, although German has grammatical gender, this should not be seen as an excuse for neglecting to speak and write in a manner inclusive of women: why, she asked rhetorically, couldn't people say "das Gott" rather than "der Gott"? After all, went her reasoning, "der" is masculine while "das" is neuter, and assuming God is male is something that even most theologians no longer do.

Schröder had, until that point, been accused by most commentators in Germany of being too conservative, too willing to pander to the hard-right of her CDU electorate. Suddenly, most were of the opinion that she was being too radical.

I found the debate very interesting - and most of the anti-progressive reactions slightly depressing. Die Zeit disappointed by accusing a publishing company which decided to re-issue a popular children's book without the word Neger in it of Orwellian censorship; others showed a complete lack of understanding by claiming that there is absolutely no link between grammatical and biological gender in German, and that grammatical gender cannot be changed (both arguments are absolute nonsense from a linguistic point of view).

Which is why I was delighted to see this protest from scholars receiving money from Die Zeit's charitable foundation. My contribution to the debate came in the form of a piece for the expat section of the Telegraph.co.uk: the viscious, usually personal tone of nearly all of the (at the time of writing, 101) mostly anonymous comments clearly show that not only Germany, but Britain too, still has some way to go in terms of a considerate use of language in the public realm.

Asides the from the slightly more odd-ball variants à la 'Germany is dominating the world economy because it is investing its energies in industry, not wasting them on debates about political correctness', the syllogistic structure of the arguments is always the same: I like to use language the way I already do; therefore, language cannot be changed; any attempt to ask me to use language in a way not hurtful to others in public is akin to censorship.

The most telling comment was "Call a spade a shovel if you like and be-damned to the trowel that complains." I do just wonder if the commenter by the name of "auntiepodes" would be happy to see the same principle applied at a school where her "nephewpodes" was being called names by bullies?

I was certainly amazed that by simply calling for the rough equivalent of good manners in language, so much by way of discourteous bile could be drawn. From reading the comments alone, you'd think I'd called for a 1984-style manipulation of linguistic history and chips being implanted in everyone's brains to make sure they're always on message, rather than simply drawing attention to hurtful or thoughtless patterns of speech that would best (and could easily) be avoided in the public sphere.

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Im Zuge der von der (bis dahin eher als wertekonservativ aufgefallenen) Kristina Schröder im ZEIT-Gespräch angestoßenen Debatte über sprachliche Gerechtigkeit, habe ich meinen Beitrag zur Debatte auf Englisch für das Blog der Telegraph geleistet.

Auch ich bin der Meinung, das Wort Neger ist eindeutig Fehl am Platz in Kinderbüchern, die heutzutage gedruckt werden. Auch teile ich die Bereitschaft Schröders, über die Koppelung von grammatikalischer und biologischer Gattung zu sinnieren. Denn es ist mitnichten so, dass es keine Verbindung zwischen den beiden gibt, nur weil es 'das Mädchen' oder 'das Opfer' heißt: Im deutschen Sprachgebrauch wird in vielen Bereichen reflexhaft zum Männlichen gegriffen, wo das nicht grammatikalisch notwendig ist (siehe ihre Anmerkungen zur Variante "das Gott"). Hier plädiere ich auch für eine kreative Ausschöpfung des erheblichen Potenzials der deutschen Sprache, ohne diese in irgendeiner Weise zensieren oder zwangsumbauen zu wollen.

Deswegen bin ich darüber sehr erfreut, dass die reaktionäre Antwort der ZEIT auf diese Debatte auf etwas Widerstand gestoßen ist seitens der Stipendiatinnen und Stipendiaten der ZEIT-Stiftung. Denn ein ganzes redaktionelles Paket über den Gebrauch des Wortes Neger in die Welt zu setzen, ohne mal einen in Deutschland lebenden Menschen mit Migrationshintergrund (oder einfach nur einer dunkleren Hautfarbe) zu Wort kommen zu lassen, ist für meine Begriffe eben der Beweis dafür, dass sich etwas ändern muss.

Auch gehört in die Debatte eine schärfere Trennung zwischen der Bitte, im öffentlichen Raum auf diskriminierenden Sprachgebrauch zu verzichten, und dem Ruf nach Zensur. Keiner will jetzt durch die Bibliotheken und Bücherhallen des Landes gehen, um alte Druckwerken nachträglich zu säubern. Keiner will Mikros an jedem Stammtisch unterbringen, um die Ewiggestrigen aufzuspüren, die noch nicht von Schwarzen ohne das N-Wort reden können. Die Verweise auf Orwell und Heine, auf 1984 und "Wo man Bücher brennt..." sind völlig überzogen.

Ich bin stolz, zu denjenigen zu gehören, die sich Gedanken über die Gefühle anderer macht, wenn ich mich in der Öffentlichkeit zu Wort melde.

"Nothing but a bunch of Krauts..."

(04 February 2013) Ever fancied your prejudices confirmed for once? Well, look at German winter eating habits: cabbage, cabbage, and more cabbage, rounded off with pork, potatoes, beer and schnapps.

Also, if you want your prejudices about supposedly typical Telegraph readers and weird internet trolls confirmed, just scroll down to the comments box!

New Year in Germany is full of suicidal charm

(01 January 2013) So I survived it! "It" being the (surprising) German propensity to celebrate the arrival of the New Year by making every conceivable effort to seriously injure oneself and bystanders. For details on the terrifying Teutonic traditions for the transition between the years, feel free to refer to my article for the Telegraph.

And, to add to that, here's a quick round-up of yesterday's hairiest experiences in Hamburg between 4.00pm on 31st and 4.00am on 1st:

- children throwing firecrackers at the wheels of my bicycle;
- a friend's bottle-rocket firing straight at the building opposite his and exploding a matter of inches over the roof;
- said friend's second bottle-rocket failing to soar upwards and spinning under the chassis of a nearby BMW, where it exploded;
- a drunkard trying to light a Roman candle with a cigarette and then getting the fag and firework momentarily confused;
- said drunkard throwing the Roman candle at the closing doors of the underground carriage we were sat in.

Next New Year's, I'm so out of here!

The Truth about Christmas Markets

(29 November 2012) It's odd to see my home country falling so deeply in love with German Christmas Markets just as Germans themselves are starting to get sick of them. Not that they're about to die out here or anything like that (and not that there aren't some great yuletide fests at say Nuremberg or Dresden), but the general opinion is that your average cluster of mulled wine stalls and crappy merchandise is overpriced and overrated.

Read more about why they're "Not magical, just naff" on the Telegraph's expat blog.

Book news

(02 November 2012) For those of you who were wondering what had become of my book, there is exciting news. Firstly, the title has been slightly improved to Germany: Beyond the Enchanted Forest: A Literary Anthology; secondly, it is available for pre-order on Amazon (UK); and, thirdly, I will be offering more taster extracts on my Lost in Deutschland blog through until publication, which will be in April 2013.

Oktoberfest 2012

(28 September 2012) September just wouldn't be September without... well, the Oktoberfest! This year's started on 22nd September and goes through until 7th October and, as ever, I was there with my lederhosen and my favourite camera-lady to film the traditional mayhem for Styleranking.de. Try this if you want a quick introduction to the "Wiesn" in English.

Der September wäre ja irgendwie unvollständig ohne, äh, das Oktoberfest! Dieses Jahr ging der Wiesnspaß am 22. September los und geht bis zum 7. Oktober weiter. Wie immer war ich mit meiner Lieblingskamerakollegin unterwegs um für Styleranking.de den üblichen Wahnsinn in Bewegtbild festzuhalten. Die neuesten Beiträge: hier, und die Klassiker hier, hier, und hier.

SlowTravelBerlin - Slowlympics

(23 August 2012) It might seem a little odd to count an event that happened on 4th August as "news", but, hey, it was the "Slowlympics", a tongue-cheek counterpart to the London Olympics 2012. Where real athletes have "stronger, higher, faster", we - under the visionary guidance of the man behind the very excllent SlowTravelBerlin - used "weaker, lower, slower" as our motto. And what a lot of fun it was! Thanks to all the people who took part and all my fellow journalists who reprinted the DPA newswire piece erroneously titling me as the organiser without checking their sources.

Wer sich fragt, wieso ein Event vom 4. August noch unter "News" aufgeführt wird, der ist noch nicht mit dem Konzept der "Slowlympics" vertraut. Als ironischen Gegenpart zur Londoner Olympiade 2012 veranstalteten wir um den visionären Gründer von der wundervollen Website SlowTravelBerlin diese Spiele. Statt "stärker, höher, schneller" war alles bei uns "schwächer, niedriger, langsamer": Und was für ein herrlicher Spaß es war! Danke an alle Teilnehmer und an alle Kollegen, die die DPA-Meldung, in der ich fälschlicherweise als Organisator aufgeführt wurde, ohne Rückfragen übernahmen.

Si vous vous demandez pourquoi j'ai mis en "news" un évenement du 4 août, c'est que vous connaissez pas encore les "Slowlympics". Découvrez-les alors en français chez Ouest France!

Title for new book

(27 July 2012) After months of word lists, spider diagrams, association games and all sorts of other nonsense during my odd moments to spare, I have agreed with my publisher on a title for our collection of English-language writing about Germany. The book to look out for in early 2013 will be called Germany: Beyond the Forests - A travellers' anthology. More news on the authors included and the exact date of publication to follow.

Britishness - ARTE.tv

(25 June 2012) After two exciting weeks, right between the twin madnesses of the Jubilee and the Olympics, my series of ten videos about typically British objects went live on ARTE.tv, accompanied by ten blog pieces about the idea of Britishness by a variety of gifted authors. If you missed it all, catch up here and here (German versions; also available on same site in French).

Über zwei spannende Wochen zwischen dem doppelten Wahnsinn des königlichen Dienstjubiläums und der Olympiade ging meine Serie Videos über typische britisch Gegenstände online auf ARTE.tv, begleitet von zehn genialen Autorenstücken zum Thema Britishness. Verpasst? Keine Sorge: alles steht noch hier und hier.

Pendant deux semaines chargées entre les folies de la jubilée royale et les jeux olympiques, a été mise en ligne sur ARTE.tv ma série de vidéos sur des objets typiquement british, accompagnée de dix textes sur le britishness par dix auteurs géniaux. Pour ceux qui l'ont raté, le conseil est simple : rendez-vous sur cette page-ci et cette page-là.

"So British..." - ARTE.tv

(01 June 2012) What will you be doing every day at precisely 16:00 from 9th to 20th June? That's right: enjoying a nice cup of tea and a sit down with me while I explain the fascination behind some of the most typically British objects there are. There's only one problem: I don't actually like tea that much, as you'll find out when you watch...

Was macht ihr jeden Tag um 16:00 zwischen vom 9. bis zum 20. Juni? Richtig: Schön eine Tasse Tee mit mir trinken, damit ich euch einige der am typischten britischen Gegenstände aller Zeiten erklären kann. Da gibt es nur einen kleinen Haken: Ich mag eigentlich keinen Tee, wie ihr beim Zuschauen erfahren werdet...

Et vous, qu'est-ce que vous avez de prévu à 16h chaque après-midi du 9 au 20 juin? C'est clair - vous buverez une tasse de thé avec moi pour que je vous explique quelques uns des objets les plus british du monde. Seul hic : je n'aime pas tellement le thé, comme vous allez voir dans les vidéos...

British Things - ARTE.tv

(27 April 2012) During the first two weeks of June, the Franco-German television channel ARTE will be featuring a range of programming about Britain. And every afternoon, Monday to Friday, ARTE.tv will be putting a web-video about Britain, produced by yours, truly online. Each of the ten videos will look at a traditionally British object and examine what it has to say about British society in a tongue-in-cheek yet informative way. All the videos will be available in English, German, and French.

Während der ersten zwei Juniwochen bietet der ARTE einen Sendeschwerpunkt zum Thema Großbritannien an. Und jeden Nachmittag in der Zeit montags bis freitags stellt ARTE.tv ein Webvideo über Großbritannien online - von meiner Wenigkeit produziert. Über zehn Beiträge knöpfe ich mir zehn typisch britische Gegenstände vor und prüfe augendzwinkernd aber informativ, was sie jeweils über mein Heimatland aussagen. Alle Videos werden in Deutsch, Französisch und Englisch angeboten.

Au cours des deux premières semaines de ce mois de juin, ARTE présente un programme sur la Grande-Bretagne. Ce qui sera complementé chaque après-midi, du lundi jusqu'au vendredi, par des vidéos mis en ligne sur ARTE.tv, produit par votre humble serviteur. Dans les dix vidéos je propose d'examiner dix objets typiquement british et de rentrer par ceux-là dans un analyse du mon pays d'origine - avec plein d'informations et un grand clin d'oeil. Tous les vidéos seront disponible en français, en allemand, et en anglais.

New book for 2013

(16 March 2012) I'm very happy to announce that January 2013 will see Signal Books publishing of an anthology of English language writing about Germany edited by me.

Covering 500 years of European history and over 80 different authors, this anthology will not only to show how the area now called Germany changed in that time, but also how the expectations and prejudices of people from the English-speaking world changed with it.

Most excitingly, it will also capture some of the same prejudices as they developed, providing answers to a question asked by one author featured: "When did these visions (of the typical German) reciting the Hymn of Hate among the sausages and the beer-mugs (...) replace the (...) stereotype of picturesque principalities exclusively populated (...) by philosophers and composers and bandsmen and peasants and students drinking and singing in harmony?"

And hopefully it will also capture the recent revival of more romantic, less jingoistic views about Germany, depicting relations between English speakers and Germans at their best for many a long year.